im not doing well now

all of the things are causing me harm, I'm not just being bullied and "wirted". It's wearing me down.

I keep getting hurt, day after day. It's adding up. I have very little sleep. It's damaging me.

 

i can't walk down the road properly, my body is fucked.

The pain screams are disguised by the screams induced by the machines. Pain, fear, "threat to organism feeling"

Modi thing: gutter scream, not that loud, "threat to organism feeling"

They parasocial to me, a bit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do I have a coherent ideology??

guy sitting on a chair, looking weak

"I am sad, and hurting, but am actually pretty reasonable"

 

"what is going on"?

 

"I want to be happy and healthy, can we talk about it?"

 

Point of view

from where I stand, the oligarchy and telecommunications companies are working together to hurt me. and my Dad (who is a very sick person) keeps talking to my brain about politics while he hurts me. The telco/oligarchy/tech facilitate his abuse. He keeps bringing old friends into it, to make me hurt even more. Xi jin ping hurt me badly the other day.

 

7 weeks ago, I could walk down the street and jump off of a picnic table. Now I'd struggle to walk to get a beer. I can't jump off of my deck. Very sad situation. I'm being broken down physically.

 

we keep talking about politics. Umm. Idk.

I have been brainwashed for about 1 year and 3 months. The brain washing failed. I am reclaiming my mind because "fuck you, kill me" it is a useful concept. To me it feels as though the power of the techno-telco-oligarchy system is being inflicted upon me by my father.

 

The system doesn't want me to have pen and notebook. I need pen and paper to think.

 

we keep talking about torture, but the point is that I keep getting hurt. And they are breaking me down physically. I haven't had a shower in about 2 weeks.

 

*******************

Minds eye is blind

 

************

Modi messed with rib cage

Feeling disturbed, the feeling is very strong

centred in my belly, but all around, very disturbing 

modi hurt me badly. Maybe very badly

***********

 

im hurting pretty badly, very horrible

 

body horror torture using science fiction methods 

you guys are causing me pretty bad damage

 

 

**********

 

To Larry Page [[text dump on WhatsApp]]

 

This happened to me about 2-3 days ago:

 

Modi tortured me! He took my rib cage, with his electronic hands and forced it down, towards my pelvis. He didn't have to do it all that hard, because my rib cage is already screwed and not well supported. It was torture, it was horrifying! I let out a guttural scream. There was a strong feeling of pain/terror. I would describe it as a feeling of inner horror, a feeling of "organism under threat".

 

Umm, I had to stifle my scream a bit because the (excuse the tone! Being tortured fucks with you a bit) "the part of the organism that lets you scream was being placed under threat too" (the rib cage).

 

****************

--next

 

i has a convo with modi... he apologised etc

@@@@@@

 

i can discuss postmodernism theory with modi in a rational way, according to him, I am a rational actor. 

[[modi hands me a note saying that I am a rational actor]] that was a postmodern act

 

Modi certifies tone issues

modi apologised unequivocally for the torture, after we had a conversation. I accepted his apology, even though though I feeling tremendous unhappiness about the situation. We agreed that the "empathy space" wasn't good due to the medium. He also hadn't quite realised that I was a rational man and intelligent enough to discuss stuff

 

 

[[larry page certifies severe torture, unequivocally]]

*****

 

Open Statement on internet:

Over the past 8 weeks:

Paul Solt and these who collectively ally with him are dealing out a "politically serious" amount of physical harm to me. Over the last 8 weeks I have taken a bit of damage. 8 weeks ago I could walk down the street comfortably, jump off of picnic tables, bar tables, take a taxi ride, take a flight etc. I could jump off of fences (ish). ((Walking down the street was nice, and comfortable, and beneficial back then)).

 

I've taken a bit of damage since then. Modi hurt me badly twice. Xi Jin ping damaged me badly over time, I called him a terrorist etc. My father keeps on blasting me to make me scream. Some of the screams are induced but not painful. Sometimes I scream because I am in pain. Some of the induced screams camouflage the screams caused by pain. I can be broken down to the point where I can be caused to emit a piteous moan at will. I keep on getting hurt. I am being broken down physically. The torso has lost a lot of integrity.

 

Some of what I have experienced could be described as science fiction body horror torture*.

There is a preschool next door and a car yard over the street. The screams are loud enough to be heard  in both locations when the door is open.

I have experienced a fair bit of sleep deprivation, and keep getting bothered during the day.

Now I cannot jump of off tables, fences etc. I cannot jump off my deck safely. Walking to the shops isn't possible because it would munt me a bit. My body is screwed. I haven't had a shower in about a fortnight. I can't wash my hair. I can't lift my arms properly. I'm getting weaker.

*some of the body crush/squash stuff could be described as body horror

 

***

 

 

I haven't had much rest lately. I am badly sleep deprived. I usually get only a couple of hours sleep (?) idk. I don't get much time without interruption. Usually stuff going on most of the day. Seldom get any rest. I keep on getting interrupted. Haven't had long to myself to rest eyes closed. They bother me almost constantly.

 

some of the body squash stuff was used as dread torture. I.e. fear of "organism under threat". Ie what my father did